Repurposing

It shouldn't be much of a shock. Billy and I, aren't having anymore kiddos. There are still mornings, when I wake up, and my heart aches for a newborn. I really want a baby some days. But when we first got married, Billy and I agreed. 2 kids. God surprised us with 3!! :) And I'm more than good with that!

Our twins are now 2 1/2 years old. Getting bigger every day. They have their "big kid" rooms. And all those pieces of "baby furniture," are slowly finding new homes. But there are still things, that I don't know what to do with. I don't want to give them away. And I don't know how I can keep them....

I originally found this picture on Pinterest. I don't know why I saved it. The reality is, we don't really drink. Billy has the occasional beer with the guys. Maybe once a year, I have a glass of champagne. So I don't need a "bar cart." But I like this idea.

To be 100% honest, we only have 1 changing table. It was a gift. And something we almost never used. Basically, we'd already bought Lauren's nursery furniture. Her dresser, doubled as a changing table. But someone really special, bought us this changing table. So I used it to store lots of Lauren's things.

When the twins were born, it was definitely something that came in handy. We put it in the family room. Loaded with lots of stuff that we might need. For over a year, we've not needed it. It's become a "catch all" for the kids stuff. Markers, crayons, coloring books, cars, dolls, etc.

But I saw this picture and had a thought. I could repaint our changing table. Add some wheels. And we'd have an instant "ice cream bar." Maybe use it for desserts, candy, or drinks....at the kids' birthday party.

Brilliant I thought! Right now, Billy is working on my project. ;) It's been painted white. He installed a board to the front. That he painted with chalkboard paint. Added some metal baskets to one of the short sides. And a handle to the other. Right now, he's working on the wheels.

It feels so good. To repurpose this piece of furniture. It has a lot of meaning. And I wanted to keep it. But also use it. In a way that would celebrate it. And make us all proud. I guess, you just never know where the inspiration will come from.

~Manders

A Night for 2!

That last few days, have been so up and down for me. I'm sure by now, you've read my blog post from the other day. When I was just lost. I've taken the last few days, to just breathe. And get back on the road, to being me. :)

It's funny. The day after I wrote this post, I read this post. And it just got me thinking, I need to get back to me. To being Amanda. I don't know how Sals does it with 5 kiddos. Or how my sister-in-law is handling 5 kiddos, with #6 on the way.

Billy and I decided that we needed a date night. Desperately! I called up my parents. Who were more than excited, to come watch our kiddos. Thanks again mom and dad! We had already bought tickets to the Brad Paisley concert. But we hadn't planned on making it, an entire night out. Initially, we were just going to the concert. But our plans changed. And we decided on a Romantic Night for 2!

That's just what we did. Planned an entire night out. Dinner at our favorite restaurant. Where I didn't care how many calories I ate! We completely indulged. Dessert and all! And off we went. Let me tell you, I COMPLETELY enjoyed the concert! I don't know if I was more excited to see Brad Paisley, or The Band Perry. Both were AMAZING!!!



We'd never seen The Band Perry perform live before. I was hoping it was going to be good. They're one of my favorite bands! And honestly, the reason we were going to this concert. When The Band Perry performed...I LOVED IT! This was the first time, that I've seen them live. And I want to see them again. :) They were that good! I just love Kimberly's hair! It's so fun! And let me tell you, I've had all these emotions going on this week. Well, during The Band Perry's show, I sang, danced, cried, and laughed! It really was a good show!



We've seen Brad Paisley in concert a few times now. I'm positive, that he just gets better with every show! We had a blast! Singing and dancing to our favorite songs. It didn't hurt, that we got to enjoy the concert, with some of our closest friends. :)

Scotty McCreery performed too. He was good. But not the reason we were there. I guess I'm just neutral when I talk about him. Mainly, because I've only heard 1 of his songs, prior to the concert. But I bet he turns into a big star. He's just got the making of one.
Date night, was just what Billy and I needed. We even ended up, staying at our favorite B&B. My parents were so incredibly generous. And stayed with our kiddos late, today. It was the perfect way, for me to start recharging my batteries.

Billy and I, agreed, we need to do this for both of us. And a lot more often. It will make us a happier, and ultimately, more loving couple. And in return, better parents to our kids. Even better role models. It's amazing how a little dressing up, dinner for 2, and a concert, can make you feel like your old self again!

~Manders

Being Honest with Me

My kiddos, my gifts from God, have been in bed, for less than an hour. My hubby, the sweet man that I love, is hard at work. He's finalizing all these plans, for a work trip. That we're leaving on, this weekend. And I'm sitting here, feeling incredibly lost...

If you've noticed, I've blogged more this week, than I usually do. I'm feeling a bit lonely. A bit lost. A bit...well I can't put my finger on it. My life, is everything I've ever wanted. Plus more! I have this incredible man that I love. And whom I know, loves me in return, more than any one person can love. We have 3 amazing, and healthy children. A beautiful home. Food on our table. Health. A good and steady income. Which these days, is not common.

Don't get me wrong, I'm so grateful for all these things. But something is missing. And I can't put my finger on it. I just don't know what it is. But it's bothering me. Do you ever feel this way?



I think I've been panicking about things, that I just can't control. We were supposed to go to Texas this Friday, but it just didn't work out. And you know what, it really bothers me. I was looking forward, to spending time with Billy's family. And I was honestly, looking forward to spending some time on the Ranch.

Lizzie and I, just haven't been spending much time together. I know. We're both married now. We live about 90 minutes away, from one other. But I miss my sister. The weather hasn't helped either. It makes the roads bad, and then neither of us, wants to travel. Even when we've planned to.

Speaking of the weather, it's also made me a bit sad. Or restless. Maybe both. The kids and I leave to take Lauren to school. But we only get out of the car to take her inside. And maybe for a quick run to the grocery store. We then stay inside, all day. Until we go pick Lauren up. There are the drives to church, and dance practice. But that's it.

I'm 100% positive, it's bothering the entire family. But it's been so cold. And more windy than normal. The wind is so strong. I know the twins can't handle it. Heck, I have to carry them, when it gets real bad. Because they just can't stand up. My poor babies!

But all these things are wearing on me. I can feel it. I'm so tense. I can't turn my thoughts off. I almost feel like I'm panicking. Somewhere deep down inside. It's so nuts, that I was literally mad at the TV, on Monday night. Because we weren't getting a signal. The weather was that bad. Our kiddos were asleep. The internet connection was weak. Billy was working. I just got frustrated, and went to bed. I wasn't even sleepy!

Today, I called my friend. Lola always has this amazing outlook on life. If you read her blog, or have the pleasure of knowing her, you know what I mean. :) She's positive, during the worst of times. She has had to battle cancer, off and on, for a few years now. And she never once, gets mad. Or asks why. She just smiles, and looks for the good in life.

I knew, in my heart and soul, that I needed to talk to her. I spent the twins' nap time on the phone. Telling her what was going on. How I was feeling. And she just listened. Reassured me, as I cried. And in the end, she had some words, that just hit home.

What did Lola tell me? To just hand over my burdens to God. To pray. To pray hard. With my entire body, mind, spirit, heart, and soul. Just pray. And really mean it. To ask God, to carry some of these burdens, as I work through them. One at a time. And to talk to Billy. I've been bad about that. I've been keeping all this inside. He knows that something is bothering me. But I just refuse to burden him.

I know this is wrong. He's my husband. My partner. The man that has promised, to go through life, by my side, loving me. I know this. But sometimes, I just don't want to bother him. Then Lola reminded me of this guy. And how he has this incredibly crazy schedule. Lives in the spotlight. And that she still turns to him. When things are too tough for her, she leans on him. And he loves more for it. Happily helping her, through some of her toughest problems.

Lastly, she reminded me of my 3 beautiful babies. My entire life revolves around them. I remember as a little girl, praying to God, to let me be a mommy one day. And my dreams came true. I was blessed with 3 beautiful and healthy children. That love me. And have taught me so much. I need to remember that. Remember that they're the reason, I push forward.

Earlier tonight, I talked to Billy. Really let him know what was bothering me. Sure, we were doing the dishes. And the kids were watching a movie. But I just needed to get it out. I even called my mom, as Billy took the kids a bath. It helped so much!

In the end, I realize, that I haven't been taking care of me. I've forgotten about myself. I've neglected myself. Put me, last. And if I'm going to be 100% for my family, I need to take care of me. I need to do things, that are going to make me a whole and happy person.

To be honest, all those things that I really enjoy, I've let go of. I can't even tell you, when I last went shopping for me. I have no clue! I used to go browse through the makeup, clothes, and shoes. These days, I buy makeup when I'm going to be working. I shop for clothes, because I absolutely need them. Nothing is getting done out of pleasure.

My days of leisurely reading...I don't know what happened to them. I have a pile of magazines, that I haven't even touched! I have 4 books that I started, and still haven't made it past the 3rd chapter. I just don't do things for me.

Billy and I have talked about this. And we've made a deal. Granted that Lizzie feels the same way. At least once a month, he's going to play Mr. Mom. Just for the day, all day! So I can go see my sister. Nothing too crazy. Just lunch and talking. Billy will stay home with the twins, and get Lauren to school. And dance practice.

I think part of my anxiety is, I've been thinking a lot about my brothers. Robert has really been on my mind. I don't know what it is. Maybe the fact that Robbie acts and looks, just like my brother. Maybe I feel guilty. You know, because I have this amazing life. One that he never got to experience. And I stress about my little brother. When will he return to the USA? He's in the Marines. And is still at war. I worry about him all the time!

I've had a lot on my mind. I don't want to burden my friends. Or my family. But I'm realizing, I can't do this on my own. I know that Sals has her hands full. But I definitely know, she gets this mommy stress. I need to not be afraid, to talk to her. I need to make more time, to talk with Lola. She always keeps my head on straight.

Bless you, if you've made it this far. I rarely, if ever, blog like this. I find blogging to be fun. It's something I do, to make myself feel better. I want to add positive thoughts to the world. I want to share things with my readers and friends. Not burden them!

I miss blogging about silly things...like makeup, shopping, and other hobbies of mine. I need to get back to that. Carve out a little space for me. And my interests. I don't want to lose myself. I want to show my kids, that it's important to stay true to yourself. To add things to the world.

Every morning, I start my day, with reading the bible. But I want to add, some more meaningful thoughts. I go to bible study, once a week. And I want to incorporate some of that, into my morning reading. I've also bought a journal. A place to get all those buried feelings and thoughts out. A little more private than my blog. A place, where I can be honest with myself.

I hope I don't scare anyone away. But I just needed to get this out. Sometimes, mommy-hood can get a little overwhelming. A little stressful. And a little lonely. The important thing to remember is, we're not alone. There are so many mommas out there. That are going through the same thing. And we all have God. He's our biggest supporter.

I'm off now. To soak in the tub. With lots of bubbles. And my favorite magazine. Something I haven't done, in so very long! Billy and I, just might get a little crazy, and break out the ice cream too. The best late night snack.

I hope that this post can help someone else. To show you, that we all struggle along the way. That we're not alone. I'm learning, that I can't plan everything. I can't control everything. I'm discovering who I am. And what I really want. What's most important in life. And I know now, that I deserve it. And I need it.

~Manders

Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentine's Day! We have some rather simple plans for today. Billy is making us all breakfast in bed. In fact, I'm supposed to be sleeping still. :) But I could smell the pancakes, and I couldn't will myself back to sleep. I do believe, our kiddos are still snug in their beds.



Lauren has school today. And her goodies are ready to go. We're giving our kids a small treat, and new outfit this morning. And tonight, we've planned an indoor picnic. Spaghetti is on the menu. With these cakes. Which I need to bake! And Lady and the Tramp.

Years ago, we'd plan something crazy. Just my hubby and me. We'd get all dolled up. And hit the town. These days, these simple plans, feel so much more rewarding! Besides, it's all about the people you spend your time with. And I could spend an eternity, snuggling with my hubby and kiddos. Yes, that sounds like heaven to me!

~Manders

My Funny Valentines

This will be the 7th Valentine's Day, that Billy and I celebrate together. :) And I can say this much, I'm more in love with him, with each passing day. I honestly, couldn't imagine what life would be like, without my hubby!

With our itty bitties, it's a little tough for us to get away. Honestly, I don't think either of us wants to leave them. Not even on Valentine's Day! So we've planned some at home fun. Just for our little family!

Billy and I picked up Lady and the Tramp. A movie that our kiddos have been wanting to see. I'm planning a yummy spaghetti dinner. With these cute cakes for dessert. A big bowl of popcorn, with Valentine's M&Ms. And lots of snuggling.

We've made treats for the kids, and decorated the house. Lauren's Valentines for school, are ready. And love is definitely in the air! I can't wait for tomorrow to come. To celebrate this day of love, with my funny Valentines. :)




And this song, ALWAYS reminds me of my amazing hubby. This man that God sent me. To love me. To live this life with. To grow our family together. It's just #7 for us. I can see us celebrating well into our 90s!

~Manders

I Am a Child of God

"But to all who have received him-those who believe in his name-he has given the right to become God’s children." John 1:12

I've always been tough on myself. I am the oldest girl in my family. 2nd oldest in my family. And after my brother past away, I felt like I needed to take care of everyone.

The last 9 months have been tough. I can't lie. I've been trying to be "Super Mommy" and "Super Wife." Slowly, I've been losing myself.

It might have something to do with my need for perfection, in my life and in my home. No I'm not that mom! I'm actually the "Fun House" for play dates. I like to let the kids play with play doh, finger paints, etc. But I like for our house to be clean. At night, I want to go to bed knowing that everything is in it's place. That our clothes were washed, dried, and put away. That our kids' toys have made it to their toy boxes. That sort of thing. Oh, and that all the dishes are washed and put away!

But I never estimated what a set of twins would really do to my life. I love these 2 little babies like nobody's business. I LOVE my 3 kiddos with all of my heart. But life has been crazy!

It started with my 6th month of pregnancy. When life started to get really tough. Traveling was beyond hard! Work exhausted me. And Billy noticed. So he asked his Dad if he could do more of the busy work stuff. Not so much of the traveling. The stuff that allowed him to be home. And I didn't do any jobs until after the babies were born.

Even our daily schedules changed. Since Billy and I first got together, I would get up at 4:30am with him! Every morning. He would shower, and I would make his breakfast. For anyone who is married to a cowboy, this is pretty normal. Sometimes we were up at 3am! I'd eat too. He'd go to work. I'd shower. I'd check my email, do online stuff, and then take a 2-3 hour nap. Then my day was back on track.

Month 6 of my pregnancy, Billy started making his own breakfast. Letting me sleep. He was starting to understand how difficult it was going to be with twins. And I have to say this, he's been wonderful! He would take the girls to their Dance classes on my days. And I have to admit it here, there were plenty of nights when I fell asleep before Lauren did.

After the twins were born, Billy remained at home. I know after the first of the year, that will change again. But it's been a blessing thus far! He has only left out of town for big gigs. Oh, and that hunting trip that I made him go on. He needed a break too!

But it's tough. I'm "on call" 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I breastfed Lauren. But that was nowhere near this. Breastfeeding twins. I feel like at all moments in the day, I have a child or pump attached to me. But I want to do this for them. It's the one thing that I can do right now, that will improve their health over their lifetimes.

And there's Lauren. I always feel so bad. Like I don't get enough time with her. She is in her dance classes Mon-Fri, 8am-noon. And at least 1 Saturday a month, she performs. I feel like we don't have as much time to spend together. And I guess what really stresses me out is, in 1 year, she will be in pre-school!

The other night, I just broke down. I had just put the babies down. Billy had read to Lauren. And she had fallen asleep before I got to tell her goodnight. I went downstairs, and I realized I had left wet laundry in the washer. The dryer also had a load of wet and very stinky clothes. And the sink was overflowing with dinner dishes.

Literally, I sat on our stairs and cried. Billy was outside with the dogs. Letting them do their business before bringing them in for the night. And he saw me. He had no clue what was going on. I just sat there crying.

Like his usual self, he came in to see what was wrong. He didn't ask me anything. Just scooped me up in his strong arms and let me cry. And when I was done crying, I spilled the beans. It was tough to admit that I can't handle it all. But it was also such a HUGE relief!

Today in church, the priest told us a story about a woman. And he read the scripture, John 1:12. It just hit me. I'm a child of God!

It doesn't matter if our home is spotless. Or if I had to dry and rewash 2 loads of laundry. Or that my husband washed the dishes. And the next morning I had to rewash them. He tried his best! Heck, it doesn't matter if by dinnertime, my hair is in a messy bun, I've got baby cereal on my shirt, the twins are in onesies, Lauren has one 2 different socks on, oh and I might have burnt part of dinner.

Because my kids are happy. And healthy. They're clean and well fed. Our home is clean. Not spotless, but clean. I love my husband, and he loves me. We have an amazing family. And great friends.

So I might not get to have breakfast with Billy every morning. I can't leave my babies for more than 2 hours at a time. And that's pushing it! I schedule time with Lauren, when her siblings are napping. I don't wear makeup most days. My hair is in a permanent messy bun. And I can't remember the last time I went out to lunch with my friends.

I LOVE my life! It's not perfect. But that's not the way life is supposed to go. The constants that I have, are my friends and family. I owe a lot to Lola. Who doesn't mind listening to me cry, my kids screaming, and my never-ending list of worries. She's here for me. Even if we live so far from one another.

That's what God has given me. Amazing friends. And loving family. That's what life is about. I get to snuggle with my babies. I feed them and watch them grew healthy and happy. I get to hug my daughter. And play dress up and dance around the house to "Princess music." I get to make love to my hubby. Maybe not as often as I'd like. Not going to lie here, some nights, I fall asleep with my kiddos. Before they are asleep! And I get to chat with Lola. About the problems in my life, about her amazing love story, and silly things...like makeup.

I'm a child of God. And I'm proud. He has given me struggles. But he's also blessed my life so much! I don't need to be so hard on myself. Because I was not created to be perfect. But to serve the Lord. To grow healthy and beautiful children. To love my husband. And to do great things in the Lord's name.

~Manders

PS I wouldn't mind a little "Couple Time" with my hubby. I'm just saying...you know, we just had an anniversary! :)

Our 5th Anniversary

Dear Billy,

I can't believe it's been 5 years! Where has the time gone? It feels like just yesterday I was meeting you for the first time. Don't let me forget to buy Lola an amazing gift too! She's the one that introduced me to you. And completely changed my life forever!

5 years ago, I thought I was in love with you. I thought it wasn't possible to love anyone more than I loved you, at that very moment, when we said "I do." But I was wrong. Every day that passes, I love you more and more. Isn't that so crazy how that happens? But it has. And every night, I can't wait to get into bed with you. To feel your strong arms around me.

Then there are the 3 little miracles that we made together. Just looking at them, I know that there is a God. He is the one that made it possible to have such amazing children. Part of me, and part of you! We are so lucky!

You are the beginning and end of my world. My day never starts off right without a kiss from you. And nothing feels more complete, than making love to you before bed. I'm a very lucky woman. To have a man like you to love. And who loves me.

The last 5 years, they're just the beginning to our story. We still have a lifetime to live together. We Mr. T, go together like peanut butter and jelly! I LOVE YOU more than any words can ever say. And I can't wait to grow old with you. My Love, Happy Anniversary!

~Manders

Happy 4th Anniversay Billy!

Today is Billy and I's 4th Wedding Anniversary. It seems like just yesterday that we got married! We met May 4, 2005. I was working and trying to finish up my cosmetology class and license. Billy and the BBs were performing. And I got to do Lola's makeup and hair before they performed. To make a long story short, Lola introduced us. And we went on our first date 2 days later.

On September 10, 2005 we got married. It was a fun wedding. Intimate and with our close friends and family. The BBs even performed! Lola was my Maid of Honor, J was Billy's Best Man. As happy, magical, and loving as that day was, it was just the beginning to Our Love Story.

In our 4 years together, Billy and I have shared in many milestones together. We bought our first home together. We purchased property in the community that I grew up in. We survived the flood last year at the cabin. We had a home built in Texas. And moved to Texas for almost a year. While I was pregnant! We had Lauren, our little angel. Billy and I decided that I would not pursue a career. Instead do work here and there, when I wanted. Mostly, just traveling with the band and being Lola's MUA. We also decided that Billy would continue to work in his family business. Just from here instead of Texas.

We have also hit a few bumps in the road. Trying to decide where to live. How many times to visit our parents. And while we are both calm souls, I tend to be the one that stresses over things that I can't control. Sometimes breaking down. Especially when I would sit and think about Robert. But Billy has been so supportive. Comforting me. Allowing me to cry and feel my emotions. He holds me and let's me know that it will be OK. Even after Lauren was born, I wasn't quit sure I could do it, be a good mommy. But Billy believed in me. And gave me the confidence to be a good mommy to Lauren.

Billy doesn't judge me. He doesn't try to change the woman that I am. Instead, he encourages me. When I need the support he is always there, without me having to ask. He appreciates everything that I do. And sometimes I am taken aback by his little notes he leaves me. Just to say Thank You for loving Lauren. Or for being the one he wakes up next to. Billy is always right here by my side to protect and love me. That is what I always wanted in a husband. And I am very lucky to have found Billy.

Not every single day is easy or like a Fairy Tale, but it is life. Our life together. We have been married for 4 years! I still couldn't believe it this morning. When I woke up, I was just so excited that I found My Prince Charming. In the last week, we have gotten exciting news. We are expecting twins in March! I never would have expected it. To tell you the truth, I was in shock. But having Billy at my side, I know we can make it!

Billy is not just the Love of My Life. But he is my best friend. No matter what it is, I can always talk to him. He is there to hold my hand when I needed. Or to hold me when I need that. He is also the daddy to my wonderful daughter, and our twins. I could not ask for a better man. He is the best daddy that I could ever dream up for our kids! Billy is the love of my life, he is my best friend, my lover, the father of my children, but most of all, he is my heart. Together we are writing our Love Story.

~Manders

Quiet Time

Billy took Lauren to ride her pony. She was all decked out in her pink Wranglers, "Cowgirl Up" shirt, pink boots, and hat. Just like her daddy. She is a cowgirl at heart. That is what first attracted me to Billy when I met him. Those Wranglers, his green eyes, and that Texas twang. Miss Lauren is just like her daddy. But also a princess in every way imaginable. I watched them leave. Hand in hand. Or I should say, Miss Lauren's hand wrapped tightly around Daddy's pinkie finger. Almost too much for her little hand to hold on to. But with all the love in her heart.

I am such a lucky woman. And I thank God every single day for my family. I have a husband that loves me for being exactly who I am. And we have a daughter that is truly the center of our world. I used to think I would never find this kind of love. Or a man like Billy. Was I ever wrong. I used to be scared that I would not be a good mom. But it just seems natural. And when I first found out I was pregnant again, I was scared I wouldn't have enough love for both of my babies. But I know now, that our love only multiplies.

For everything that I ever thought I was lacking in, God made up for it 1000X's over with my family. Things may have happened quickly, but we are a family. And our love just runs over our cup. We are so very blessed. And I thank God every single day for my blessings.

~Manders